There’s a story that smart, literary people like to tell about The Human Experience. The story goes something like this: Many eons ago, we humans—alone in the animal kingdom—became aware of our own mortality. It was a revelation that changed the course of history. Thoughts of death flooded our minds, paralyzing us with existential terror. Delusions of the afterlife were born, blossoming into the world’s religions. Alongside them came the yearnings for art, myth, and knowledge—parts of us that live on past our deaths. The fear burns inside us to this day, fueling our frantic obsessions and diversions, from shopping to selfies to plastic surgery to midlife crises. Modern existence is a series of increasingly desperate attempts to distract ourselves from the horror of our inevitable demise.
Josh from Living Fossils here: Thanks for the excellent post, David. Totally agree that the story we tell about fear of death is BS. My favorite version of this is that we want to have sex as a way to “fight off” death. You can see this in the work of Freud and others. (You can also see in the work of Freud the concept of a “death wish,” which makes even less sense.)
So, I agree that a fear of the concept of death isn’t a prime mover of human behavior. Still, I find that plenty of people are afraid of death, and not of the imminent type. I, for one, am afraid of dying at 100, peacefully in my bed, surrounded by those I love—because then I would lose everything and everyone I love. And cause pain to those I love. Plus, the next step is to become nothing, which I can’t even comprehend. So, I do think death is a scary thought no matter how you go. But it’s not like some underlying motivation that I carry around with me.
Another thing is that when a scimitar is coming for my head, I’m not consciously afraid. I’m afraid before and after. I can anticipate that someone might try to kill me, or reflect that they almost did. But in the moment, I’m too focused on not dying to think too much about it. The anticipation and reflection is what other animals might not have, no?
A final thought is that plenty of people have what is called “unspecific” or “generalized” anxiety. I agree that it’s more adaptive to worry about specific things, but often people just seem to get in an anxious mode, and attach that anxiety to everything. What do we think is going on here?
I’m on the same page as you but I do have a friend who is deeply disturbed by the thought of not existing to the point where he thinks about it fearfully all the time. I don’t understand it at all but it does seem like a real thing he is afraid of.
I think that what are brains are hardwired for by the evolutionary process is the fear of imminent death. For most of our lives, ending up in such situation can be only caused by unnatural factors such as accidents, injuries, violence and so on. This helps us avoid danger.
However, when thinking about the inevitability of death, we can only imagine it as inevitability of an imminent death situation. It's a cognitive error. Aging is something that actually saves us from the horror of the imminent death situation by providing a way of slow and steady decline of health until we either don't wake up one day or lose our minds such that even if the imminent death situation occurs, we no longer have any cognitive ability to realize that.
To sum up, death is inevitable, but the dreaded imminent death situation is not.
Our feelings are ultimately independent of reason. Thus whether we fear our mortality is not necessarily directly linked to what we think about it. We like to think we can control our emotions through reason, but we can’t ignore that our reasoning usually follows rather than precedes our feelings.
I think that the average person is not greatly bothered by his impending death simply because too strong a proclivity in that direction would be a decided Darwinian disadvantage: any genes partly underlying it would not fare well in the gene pool.
Very thought-provoking and entertaining, as always, David. I hear you loud and clear as it relates to fear of death specifically. The only times I've ever truly experienced that fear are as you described, when there were scimitars flying toward my head, so to speak. I.e., the rush of fear that comes when met with impending mortal danger, which I think everyone would agree is baked into the reproductive cake (a gross phrase that I'll do my best not to return to). We can't reproduce if we're dead. Unless of course there is such a thing as rebirth, in which case, I suppose that might count. But I'll leave that be for now.
Personally, despite the absence of any fear in me around the concept of mortality, I do have a deep fascination with death. It's the most interesting aspect of our lives in that it's what makes all other aspects of our lives interesting. (I say "interesting" aware of your take on that word, by the way; I do genuinely find it interesting and don't think I'm just brandishing that idea to demonstrate how interesting I am so I can gain status, but who knows, I might be; or maybe it's what I'm doing now by adding this parenthetical?)
Is it really what makes all other aspects of our lives interesting, though? Or did I just pick that up from others along the way? I'm not sure. But as we now aim to slow aging and extend our lifespans, I feel all that just makes life and us more depressing. A hundred is fine, I guess. Like you said, it sounds nice (enough), but using science and tech to add another hundo or so to that just sounds sad. A bunch of 200–thousands of years old vampires, jaded and dejected and probably suicidal, like the Adam character in Jim Jarmusch's Only Lovers Left Alive—that's where we seem to want to be headed, perhaps due to the fear of aging that you identified rather than a fear of death. Maybe I'm just projecting, but speaking only for myself, then, the scenario I just described is how I imagine living longer would be.
Death is beautiful and important. It's a reason to do something and a distant comfort when doing anything seems like it's too much. I think about it multiple times a day, but almost always in awe and appreciation. It also comes up regularly for me in the context of negative visualization. I imagine my wife dying in a motorcycle accident, for example, and then when she pulls up to our house I love her that much more, just for still being here. I think it's a useful tool for all of us, especially when a loved one has irritated us in some way. Imagine them dying. Watch your irritation fade.
Not sure I agree. The poet Philip Larkin claimed he was afraid of being dead i.e. no longer being here or anywhere and I see no reason to disbelieve him. The idea that, providing you have fulfilled your reproductive purpose, you can view your own non-existence with equanimity strikes me as fanciful.
I think you're confusing two things: one the way people should think and another the way they do think. Larkin never claimed he was being rational.
That apart, the idea that you should be as uncaring about the thousand years after your death as you are about the thousand years before you are born is something I've heard many times and has never managed to convince me.
There are many emotions you can examine and conclude are irrational but this rarely makes them disappear. For example, it's irrational to have a panic attack in a supermarket. Nothing terrible's going to happen to you but knowing that doesn't help.
Great article. The myth that the fear and denial of Death is the root and cause of all Human behavior is just another pseudo-intellectual idea created by Psychoanalysis.
I've read Ernest Becker's book The Denial of Death and it was one of the most overrated, pseduoscientific, pretentious works of Psychology ever written. It's like all Becker did was take Freud, replaced "sex" with "death" and called it a day.
Josh from Living Fossils here: Thanks for the excellent post, David. Totally agree that the story we tell about fear of death is BS. My favorite version of this is that we want to have sex as a way to “fight off” death. You can see this in the work of Freud and others. (You can also see in the work of Freud the concept of a “death wish,” which makes even less sense.)
So, I agree that a fear of the concept of death isn’t a prime mover of human behavior. Still, I find that plenty of people are afraid of death, and not of the imminent type. I, for one, am afraid of dying at 100, peacefully in my bed, surrounded by those I love—because then I would lose everything and everyone I love. And cause pain to those I love. Plus, the next step is to become nothing, which I can’t even comprehend. So, I do think death is a scary thought no matter how you go. But it’s not like some underlying motivation that I carry around with me.
Another thing is that when a scimitar is coming for my head, I’m not consciously afraid. I’m afraid before and after. I can anticipate that someone might try to kill me, or reflect that they almost did. But in the moment, I’m too focused on not dying to think too much about it. The anticipation and reflection is what other animals might not have, no?
A final thought is that plenty of people have what is called “unspecific” or “generalized” anxiety. I agree that it’s more adaptive to worry about specific things, but often people just seem to get in an anxious mode, and attach that anxiety to everything. What do we think is going on here?
I’m on the same page as you but I do have a friend who is deeply disturbed by the thought of not existing to the point where he thinks about it fearfully all the time. I don’t understand it at all but it does seem like a real thing he is afraid of.
you gotta write a book man
I think that what are brains are hardwired for by the evolutionary process is the fear of imminent death. For most of our lives, ending up in such situation can be only caused by unnatural factors such as accidents, injuries, violence and so on. This helps us avoid danger.
However, when thinking about the inevitability of death, we can only imagine it as inevitability of an imminent death situation. It's a cognitive error. Aging is something that actually saves us from the horror of the imminent death situation by providing a way of slow and steady decline of health until we either don't wake up one day or lose our minds such that even if the imminent death situation occurs, we no longer have any cognitive ability to realize that.
To sum up, death is inevitable, but the dreaded imminent death situation is not.
Our feelings are ultimately independent of reason. Thus whether we fear our mortality is not necessarily directly linked to what we think about it. We like to think we can control our emotions through reason, but we can’t ignore that our reasoning usually follows rather than precedes our feelings.
I think that the average person is not greatly bothered by his impending death simply because too strong a proclivity in that direction would be a decided Darwinian disadvantage: any genes partly underlying it would not fare well in the gene pool.
Very thought-provoking and entertaining, as always, David. I hear you loud and clear as it relates to fear of death specifically. The only times I've ever truly experienced that fear are as you described, when there were scimitars flying toward my head, so to speak. I.e., the rush of fear that comes when met with impending mortal danger, which I think everyone would agree is baked into the reproductive cake (a gross phrase that I'll do my best not to return to). We can't reproduce if we're dead. Unless of course there is such a thing as rebirth, in which case, I suppose that might count. But I'll leave that be for now.
Personally, despite the absence of any fear in me around the concept of mortality, I do have a deep fascination with death. It's the most interesting aspect of our lives in that it's what makes all other aspects of our lives interesting. (I say "interesting" aware of your take on that word, by the way; I do genuinely find it interesting and don't think I'm just brandishing that idea to demonstrate how interesting I am so I can gain status, but who knows, I might be; or maybe it's what I'm doing now by adding this parenthetical?)
Is it really what makes all other aspects of our lives interesting, though? Or did I just pick that up from others along the way? I'm not sure. But as we now aim to slow aging and extend our lifespans, I feel all that just makes life and us more depressing. A hundred is fine, I guess. Like you said, it sounds nice (enough), but using science and tech to add another hundo or so to that just sounds sad. A bunch of 200–thousands of years old vampires, jaded and dejected and probably suicidal, like the Adam character in Jim Jarmusch's Only Lovers Left Alive—that's where we seem to want to be headed, perhaps due to the fear of aging that you identified rather than a fear of death. Maybe I'm just projecting, but speaking only for myself, then, the scenario I just described is how I imagine living longer would be.
Death is beautiful and important. It's a reason to do something and a distant comfort when doing anything seems like it's too much. I think about it multiple times a day, but almost always in awe and appreciation. It also comes up regularly for me in the context of negative visualization. I imagine my wife dying in a motorcycle accident, for example, and then when she pulls up to our house I love her that much more, just for still being here. I think it's a useful tool for all of us, especially when a loved one has irritated us in some way. Imagine them dying. Watch your irritation fade.
To death!
This is your best post.
Not sure I agree. The poet Philip Larkin claimed he was afraid of being dead i.e. no longer being here or anywhere and I see no reason to disbelieve him. The idea that, providing you have fulfilled your reproductive purpose, you can view your own non-existence with equanimity strikes me as fanciful.
I think you're confusing two things: one the way people should think and another the way they do think. Larkin never claimed he was being rational.
That apart, the idea that you should be as uncaring about the thousand years after your death as you are about the thousand years before you are born is something I've heard many times and has never managed to convince me.
There are many emotions you can examine and conclude are irrational but this rarely makes them disappear. For example, it's irrational to have a panic attack in a supermarket. Nothing terrible's going to happen to you but knowing that doesn't help.
Great article. The myth that the fear and denial of Death is the root and cause of all Human behavior is just another pseudo-intellectual idea created by Psychoanalysis.
I've read Ernest Becker's book The Denial of Death and it was one of the most overrated, pseduoscientific, pretentious works of Psychology ever written. It's like all Becker did was take Freud, replaced "sex" with "death" and called it a day.
So, we're back to status!?